Christmas

The kids are outside
Almira's taking a nap
One dog is in major trouble in his crate
And I'm thinking, was it really already Christmas?

It sort of seems silly now how much preparation was put into two days that whirled by so fast.
Corey thinks we should celebrate for 8 crazy nights like Hanukkah.

We enjoyed our Christmas Eve at my Dad's house with my sisters and all of our families. The kids loved their presents and had a lot of fun chasing around the house. My Dad got Ryan and Jack Red Ryder's and they were ecstatic! My sisters and I got beautiful necklaces from our Aunt Karla. It's a mother/daughter heart. It's so perfect for honoring and remembering our Mom.

On Christmas Eve before we went to my Dad's we met Joelle and Beth at the cemetery and put a few things on Mom's grave. Corey and Beth both had the idea of putting dice on her grave in honor of our dice game we play every Christmas Eve so Beth brought those and Beth also had a pretty poinsettia and Ryan had a little necklace she made at a friend's house. Her grave looked really nice.

Christmas morning the kids woke us up saying "Santa came and he ate all of his cookies and the reindeer even ate their carrots!" Then we all laid in bed for a few minutes and the kids sang "Happy Birthday Jesus" We also pictured what it must be like in Heaven on Christmas and what Grandma might be doing. Thank goodness for the magical minds of children!

They got their "big" presents that they had been asking and asking for and then we headed off to Corey's family for even more presents, food and games. Ryan and Finn are so lucky they have cousins so close in age to play with. They were exhausted at the end of the night.

All in all we had a really great Christmas. I missed my Mom so much. It's at these times that I think how unfair it is that she's not here with all of us celebrating. I handled Christmas just fine, I had a minor setback but then Ryan, Finn and Corey just embraced me and Finn patted me on the head and said it's okay Momma. Sometimes you just need to cry to let it all out and then I felt better. I don't do this often. I hold it in as much as I can because it feels easier than dealing with emotions. Obviously when I do let it out I realize how much better it is to do that but it's not always what I want to do.

I am facing new realizations every day of my Mom not being here. Things that you try not to think about for so long but then are forced to as they happen. It'll get better then I'm sure it'll get worse and then probably better. I just looked up the stages of grief for the first time a few days ago. I was disappointed! It seems like I'm only in stage 3 of 7. I'm so ready to feel relief from this! It'll happen I just need to be faithful and patient. Both things I'm having a hard time with right now.

So yes, it was already Christmas! I'm happy it's over. I'm happy to be moving closer to feeling better. Every day is another day closer to that.

Six kids and Santa

This is what you get when you take six kids to see Santa :)

I'm surprised actually that only one out of six are screaming. Jack and Ryan are old pros at seeing Santa, Finn kept saying I don't want to I don't want to but then did. Jovie wouldn't do it without her Momma. Peter as you can see screamed and hated it.  Almira got a little red and a little nervous but tolerated it. We were pretty set on taking them to see Santa this year because it's what my Mom always did every year with the kids. A lot of years it was just her and I taking the kids because everyone else was always at work and then we'd go and have a nice little lunch at the food court. That was a lot easier with only two kids. We didn't even talk about doing anything else this time. We all pretty much split our separate ways pretty quick :)

We had our first Christmas party on Sunday with my Mom's side of the family. We had a lot of fun.



Every time I point my camera at him he comes as close as he can and gets silly




Finn got a spiderman car. He wants anything spiderman.




Ryan opening her "ice beads" she couldn't even wait till we got home to start on them, she worked on them when we "stopped by" Nanny and Poppy's



So far I'm feeling pretty good about this Christmas. Obviously I have my moments of sadness but those are just always there. I'm not feeling overwhelmed, I'm not dreading getting together and doing our normal things. I'm relieved! I must have a lot of people praying for me because I don't know how else I'd be feeling this calm. I'm so thankful for this and I'm sure my kids and Corey are too.

Corey's been great this Christmas! I mean, he is every Christmas...but I needed him extra this one and most of my shopping trips he's been there helping me out. Last week he didn't have much going on for work and I had Peter one day, Ryan was at school and he and Finn had planned to go shop for cousin Jet so I asked if Peter and I could tag along and I'm not sure he was so happy about it at first because Peter and I were a little slow out the door but I just said "you know I'm home every day when everyone else is at work and now I have someone to "play" with so of course I'm going to jump at the opportunity to do something with someone who isn't 5 and younger" We ended up having a nice little morning.

After today (Tuesday) I'm taking the rest of the week to be with just my kids and finish getting ready for Christmas. We're pretty much done but we still need to make some goodies and of course clean the house before we bring back loads of stuff. We'll probably go visit my Mom's grave too, I just wish I could figure out something nice to leave on it. I'm so happy I decided to take days off this week. I knew it would be what I need to breath a little easier and not get frazzled which I tend to do for Holidays. I'm just praying for a nice Christmas for my whole family since it will obviously be sad thinking that just last year my Mom was here and doing everything we will be doing on Christmas Eve. Her spot in our annual game will be empty and that is going to be so hard! We are missing a lot this Christmas but we have so much to be thankful for. Years of happy, perfect Christmas's to remember. I told Corey just yesterday that I'm thankful that I feel fulfilled with the Mom that I had. She really did give us everything and more.

I caved

Well I'm cringing at myself now that I caved in to having a blog. I said "I will never have a blog" but low and behold I'm writing my first post. Not sure why I gave in but I figured if I'm going to sit and read other people's blogs I might as well have my own. It's also just a way to share and vent.

It seems like nothing has been happening around our household but when I sit back and ponder a lot is going on. Just getting through the day, preparing to welcome another baby, keeping up with my kids and my sisters kids, and all our animals makes for a busy week.



Thanksgiving weekend was okay. I pretty much just dreaded it but after quite a few attitude adjustments I ended up having a good weekend. I'm glad it's over. I started out at the store buying way too much food for the four of us. Corey shot a turkey this year so I didn't have to buy one but I did have to spend 2 hours plucking stinkin quills out of it. Seriously this was gross and with my pregnant nose I was not happy. Corey told me to just go buy one but I was being stubborn at that point and wouldn't let that hard work go to waste. The bird was not good! I was pretty disappointed but just said "oh well." We started the day with 5 dogs (our 2, 2 of the in laws and my Dad's) in the house one of them running away for 2 hours and luckily my Dad picked up his, his was the good one though. We got to have a nice day with Corey's sister and brother in law (Shelly and Gordie) who live in California. They played with the kids a ton while I cooked and they played in the snow and made a snowman with the kids. 



I still can't believe I did anything with this







Beth and I went shopping on Black Friday and had a good time, really missed Mom though. Corey, the kids and I, Jamie and Alli and Shelly and Gordie went and saw Tangled. It was such a good movie. I fell asleep during it because I was so tired from shopping but I saw most of it.

The next day we went as a family and picked out our tree from Jamie's grandma's house. It was a lot of fun but Corey's eyes are bigger than what we have room for in our house. I kept calling him Clark Griswold. He couldn't even get the tree in the house and when he tried he broke the railing on the porch. Luckily brother Josh came and helped. They were both almost dead after carrying it in the house. They even had the chainsaw IN the house. This was quite the sight! Only in the Ross household!!



This shows how big it is compared to a kid





This is probably the longest post ever. To end it I'll just say this weekend was very very bittersweet, I felt very down most of it just because my Mom isn't around to share it with. I find myself feeling sorry for her a lot, feeling sorry for myself, feeling sorry for my kids, sorry for my Dad, sorry for my sisters and most of all the grandkids who didn't get to spend holidays with her and have memories that the older kids have. I will cherish those forever and I know Ryan and Jack will too. I find myself trying to do every single tradition that she did and it makes me feel good doing them but really just so so sad. A few people tell me going through these firsts without her is going to be so hard and they're right but it feels good to start getting them done. It's too hard to explain. Right now I'm just focusing on giving the kids a great Christmas and getting ready for another baby. I'm so excited I have that to look forward to, I can't say I'm loving being pregnant only because of all the emotions but I'm so looking forward to holding a baby. But again I'm sad my Mom won't be here for it. I often find myself in a panic thinking I didn't tell her yet that I'm having a baby and this is a crushing feeling but I am so thankful for what she has already taught me and that I had Ryan so young so that I got to have her here for that. I'm so so lucky for the relationship I had with her and I'm thankful.