Christmas

The kids are outside
Almira's taking a nap
One dog is in major trouble in his crate
And I'm thinking, was it really already Christmas?

It sort of seems silly now how much preparation was put into two days that whirled by so fast.
Corey thinks we should celebrate for 8 crazy nights like Hanukkah.

We enjoyed our Christmas Eve at my Dad's house with my sisters and all of our families. The kids loved their presents and had a lot of fun chasing around the house. My Dad got Ryan and Jack Red Ryder's and they were ecstatic! My sisters and I got beautiful necklaces from our Aunt Karla. It's a mother/daughter heart. It's so perfect for honoring and remembering our Mom.

On Christmas Eve before we went to my Dad's we met Joelle and Beth at the cemetery and put a few things on Mom's grave. Corey and Beth both had the idea of putting dice on her grave in honor of our dice game we play every Christmas Eve so Beth brought those and Beth also had a pretty poinsettia and Ryan had a little necklace she made at a friend's house. Her grave looked really nice.

Christmas morning the kids woke us up saying "Santa came and he ate all of his cookies and the reindeer even ate their carrots!" Then we all laid in bed for a few minutes and the kids sang "Happy Birthday Jesus" We also pictured what it must be like in Heaven on Christmas and what Grandma might be doing. Thank goodness for the magical minds of children!

They got their "big" presents that they had been asking and asking for and then we headed off to Corey's family for even more presents, food and games. Ryan and Finn are so lucky they have cousins so close in age to play with. They were exhausted at the end of the night.

All in all we had a really great Christmas. I missed my Mom so much. It's at these times that I think how unfair it is that she's not here with all of us celebrating. I handled Christmas just fine, I had a minor setback but then Ryan, Finn and Corey just embraced me and Finn patted me on the head and said it's okay Momma. Sometimes you just need to cry to let it all out and then I felt better. I don't do this often. I hold it in as much as I can because it feels easier than dealing with emotions. Obviously when I do let it out I realize how much better it is to do that but it's not always what I want to do.

I am facing new realizations every day of my Mom not being here. Things that you try not to think about for so long but then are forced to as they happen. It'll get better then I'm sure it'll get worse and then probably better. I just looked up the stages of grief for the first time a few days ago. I was disappointed! It seems like I'm only in stage 3 of 7. I'm so ready to feel relief from this! It'll happen I just need to be faithful and patient. Both things I'm having a hard time with right now.

So yes, it was already Christmas! I'm happy it's over. I'm happy to be moving closer to feeling better. Every day is another day closer to that.